Jeff and Ashley Lamb

From my Facebook. Posted on August 13, 2014, 2 days after Robin Williams’ death.

There has been a lot of negativity surrounding the passing of Robin Williams. Comments have been made calling him “selfish” and “cowardly”, among other things. People are wondering why he would do this. After all, he was famous, wealthy, loved around the world. None of that means anything. 

Depression doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t care that you should be happy or that you want to be happy. Depression is not an on/off switch. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Yes, there are things that can help but they may not always be successful. These are all things that the people doing the name calling do not understand. I’m willing to bet these people have never battled depression themselves or lost someone to it. If they had, they probably wouldn’t be so quick to make such judgmental comments. I won’t lie, there was a time that I also believed suicide was selfish and cowardly. Then my world changed and I got educated. It’s sad that that’s what it took but it’s the truth.

The excessive media coverage is also unhelpful. How can his family be expected to grieve properly? Really, the grieving process is lifelong but this initial time is very important and they deserve some privacy. Yes, he was known worldwide and the world should be informed but anything beyond that is unnecessary. The media has also gone overboard in their description of his death. We really don’t need to know every detail of how he took his life. For some, myself included, it brings up painful images and memories that no one should ever have to experience.

I’ve also been thinking about all those who are grieving that didn’t know him. I was pretty upset at finding out about his passing, especially the method. Is it weird to mourn the loss of a stranger? Then I thought about it. I don’t think it’s strange to feel sadness over the loss of someone who brought so much joy and happiness and laughter to the world.

While he is now no longer in pain and no longer battling his own personal demons, the world is definitely a darker place in his absence. My thoughts go out to his family and loved ones. May he rest in peace.

Well, here we are. Another year has gone by. Once again, I feel like not a whole lot has happened. This seems strange to say because you’d think quite a bit would happen in the time span of 365 days.

I was hired last March at a veterinary clinic in Palm Springs. I loved it there but after 10 months of driving an hour each way, it got old. In November I was hired full time at a clinic half as far away. I am learning so much here on top of everything that I learned at my previous clinic. I have 2 1/2 semesters left of school. I can’t wait until I have my degree. The fact that it’s something I love doing is pretty amazing, too. Not everyone can say that they love their career choice.

Tristann turned 10 in November. Weird. She’s still doing Girl Scouts and loving it. She is the smartest, funniest little child I know. Sheridan turned 13 in December. Even weirder. She is a cheerleader at her middle school. I love watching them grow up and can’t wait to see them grow some more.

Jeff and I got official orders for our next duty station. FINALLY! We leave this awful place for Great Lakes, Illinois, on June 7th. We’re going to hang out in Vegas for about a month before we actually leave. It’ll be nice to be home with everyone for more than just a weekend.

Wedding planning is in full swing, once again. We will be having our formal ceremony and reception on May 4th AKA Star Wars Day : P I let Jeff pick the date, in case you couldn’t have guessed. We have actually gotten quite a bit done in not so much time. I’m pretty proud of us.

One Year, Six Months by Yellowcard

Sew this up with threads of reason and regret
So I will not forget. I will not forget
How this felt one year six months ago
I know. I cannot forget. I cannot forget

I’m falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you

I can tell that you don’t know me anymore
It’s easy to forget, sometimes we just forget
And being on this road is anything but sure
Maybe we’ll forget, I hope we don’t forget

I’m falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you

So many nights, legs tangled tight
Wrap me up in a dream with you
Close off these eyes, try not to cry
All that I’ve got to pull me through is memories of you
Memories of you
Memories of you
Memories of you

I’m falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that we can share
Falling into memories of you and things we used to do

Well, I guess I’ve been slacking. It’s been almost an entire year since I last put my thoughts down in writing, so to speak. It doesn’t feel like much has happened but, looking back, I guess alot has happened. I can definitely say that I have grown over the last year, both from the good and bad that have taken place. I’m glad to say that things have been mostly good. Mostly.

Where to begin…I guess I’ll start with this same time last year. I started my online vet tech program in mid-January last year and am starting my fourth semester today. It’s been going pretty well so far. I started out slow so that I could get into the hang of the whole online thing and this semester will be my first full semester of four classes. I have learned so much from the classes that I have already taken and find myself getting excited as each new semester nears. I’m glad I’m enjoying it because I can’t see myself doing something if I hate it.

Jeff was deployed to Japan from June until December of last year. He was able to do and see alot while he was there, including climbing Mount Fuji. He says he hated it but I think part of him enjoyed being somewhere different and getting to know his Marines better. He came back with some new friends…well, new to me anyway. I’m glad that he has people that he can connect with and hang out with here. When he got back to the states, he had about three weeks off which we spent in Vegas, of course. It was great to be able to be back home for so long with him.

Sheridan started middle school this year. We were worried about how she would do because she’s so sensitive but she seems to be adjusting well. She’s learning the violin and has joined the dance team at school. She’s a procrastinator, just like me, and is the typical girly pre-teen.

Tristann joined Girl Scouts this year and no one could be more excited than me. I LOVE Girl Scout cookies and am helping her as much as I can when it comes to her selling them. She’s doing so well getting all of the different patches and doing the fundraisers. She was the top seller for nuts last year and was awarded a patch that only she got, and she’s the newest member of the troop.

In July, we took a trip to San Diego for Brittany’s birthday. She had planned on coming out to California to visit over the summer last year and we were going to go to the zoo and the beach, among other things. We made the trip over a long weekend and took the dogs with us. It was Patton’s first time at the beach and she didn’t seem to care for it. It was nice to get away and to do something for Britt.

At the end of August, after a visit to Vegas, I was headed back to Twentynine Palms when I rolled the Jeep. It was my first accident and was terrifying. I came out of it with minimal injuries, just a slight concussion and some stitches to my thumb, but it scared me pretty bad. The worst part of the whole ordeal was that Patton was missing in the middle of the desert and over night. I didn’t care that I was hurt, I was so scared that we would never get her back. Thank goodness we did though. I would be devastated if we hadn’t. Jeff was pretty upset but was glad that we were okay. Now we have two cars, which makes things alot easier on us. Jeff got his dream Jeep, that he’s very happy with, and I got a great little Saturn that’s perfect for me.

So, that’s how our past year has been. Mostly good sprinkled with a little bad. Overall, not so bad.

I can’t believe we’ve already been married for a year! And what a crazy year it has been. With so many ups and downs, unfortunately mostly downs, I don’t know what I would have done without Jeff by my side the entire time. I can’t think of anyone I would rather spend it with, either. This time last year, we were on an amazing trip and staying at a beautiful bed and breakfast in Destin. One year and one day ago, Jeff proposed to me on the beach in the moonlight. One year ago today, we were at the court house saying “I do”. One year from now (maybe a little after), we will be having our formal ceremony. To others, it may seem like we’re moving fast but to us, we aren’t. When you know that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone, it doesn’t matter how fast or slow you move. As Jeff so sweetly said about the night he proposed, “Remember that 50 years from now I’ll always feel the same way that I felt that night”. Well, babe, we have one year down and a lifetime to go. I am ready and willing and can’t wait to continue spending the rest of our lives together. I can’t see myself with anyone other than you, my best friend, my one and only, my hero, my husband.

This year has been both amazing and terrible but I will be happy when it’s finally done and over with, even though nothing will have changed. It
started out with Jeff and I getting married in January. Then we left Florida in April to spend some time in Vegas before he had to go to training. We were apart for a little over a month then moved to California in June where we have a great house that we have definitely made our own. We both turned 21 this year, too. Then, in August, it happened. The worst day of either of our lives thus far. It still seems like it was just yesterday…I can remember almost every detail and I just want to erase it all and go back to the day before to save her. Needless to say, the holidays this year weren’t as enjoyable as they usually are. And this is just the first of many. Looking at my youngest sister it was almost like looking at her again. They are so much alike in appearance that it’s almost scary, but it’s also kind of nice. I’m hoping this gets easier for us but I know that it’s going to take a long time before that happens. I just hope that she is happy and at peace now. She was a self-proclaimed people pleaser and now it’s her turn to be happy, even if it means that we don’t get to have her here with us.

I am so tired of all the crazy BS that a certain someone is spewing and those who are letting her do it. I have literally done nothing to them. I don’t say that casually like “oh yeah, I didn’t do anything”…I have honestly and sincerely not done one single thing to anyone yet I’m being shunned and called names. I just don’t understand. Things were finally starting to get to be okay. I was almost to the point of being kind of all right and then this new site springs up. I just want to be left out of it. I just want to grieve my sister and live in her memory, which apparently very few others are doing.

Sissy, your true friends know what our relationship was like and the ones who are saying otherwise never saw us together or knew how close we were. You, along with Sheridan and Tristann, have and will always mean the world to me, no matter what some jealous, guilt ridden, insignificant person has to say about it. You are seeing everything unfold and now everyone’s true colors and ugly lies are coming out into the open. I wish you hadn’t done this, for many reasons. At the same time, I know that you felt it was your only way out. I hate that you felt that way but I can almost see how you could, living the way you were. I wish you would have told me the last time we talked. I would have had you come out and lived with us for a little while and you know mom and grandma would take you in, too.

I miss you so much. I broke down the other day, for the first time in a long time, but I needed it. I think that’s what made me feel like things were getting slightly better. Then today. That stupid website and all of the false information on it got me all worked up. I already think about you a million times a day but to have the added pain of being called such horrible names and the presence of hurtful statements that I can’t believe are yours made me fall even deeper into darkness. I started bawling in the shower. Jeff came home and comforted me and sat with me. I don’t know what I would do without him. He misses you and thinks about you alot, too, but he has been incredibly strong for me.

I hope you know how much we love you. Always have, always will. I just ask that you make her stop or, at least, give us the strength to deal with all of the madness.

We spent the weekend in Vegas for the USMC birthday ball and we had a blast! I don’t think either of us have gotten that little sleep in so few days. The ball was on Thursday night at the Rio and was set up nicely. Jeff looked amazing, of course, in his dress blues complete with ribbons and medals. I felt like a princess, with my hair done at a salon and an amazing dress with beautiful makeup (both thanks to Summer). There were about 300 people there but it wasn’t crowded at all. The food was pretty good and there was a great guest speaker. We were seated at one of the two tables for the corpsmen with some awesome, fun people.

After dinner, Jeff and I, along with two of our friends, went to the Blue Man Group show. It was definitely interesting but I thought it was fun. We walked the strip some, stopping at a bar or two, then we headed back to the Rio where we ran into some friends who also attended the ball. We had a few drinks then ate either a very late dinner or a very early breakfast (it was about 2am). The rest of the weekend was filled with going out, going to bed very late, waking up late and some family time. I have to say, it was one of the best weekends I’ve had in a very long time.

We had a great weekend in Julian! It is quite possibly the cutest little town ever. It’s a small town in the mountains near San Diego that was established during the gold rush. There are a few mines there that offer tours but we didn’t get the chance to visit one this time. They are all about apples in that town though. “Julian Apple Cider” is a big deal and, after tasting some, I can see why. We ended up bringing home a half gallon of boysenberry apple cider and it is delicious! With how many orchards they have, I can see why they offer so many different kinds of apple dishes. There seriously was apple pie at just about every restaurant and some even have other things like apple dumplings, apple tarts, apple danish–just about apple anything. Everyone there is so nice and there are so many little stores to shop in. We came back with quite a few goodies : ) Another popular thing there is homemade soaps and lotions. Those people in Julian are quite crafty. We stayed in a “cabin” (it was basically a shortened single-wide trailer) about 20 miles away from Julian. It was about a half hour drive to town but it was a beautiful one. We were in the mountains of a national forest and there were hardly any buildings around so the views were amazing. We want to go back in the Winter time when there will be snow up there : )